I have a name.

My mother decided on a new name for me, a new middle name, I’ll keep my old unisex name as a concession to my family but I’ll be trying to use the new name for new people and new encounters. She suggested Nathan. We looked it up online and found it means ‘gift of God’, she said that’s what I am to them, a gift from God. Yeah, I got a lump in my throat there too.

She’s been practicing using it and I have to say she seems to be getting really quite comfortable with it. It’s still a bit weird for me, this name is totally new to me and I don’t get that same reaction as when someone says my old name. But I like it, I’m getting used to it, but it is still weird. She said they’d maybe start using it more when I start to transition and there’s a change in my appearance, but I guess she’s ok with trying it out now. It feels like she’s more comfortable with all this than I am, it’s surreal.

I’ve been trying to get round the other drivers at work to tell them and everyone’s been fine with it. I’ll need to get my licence and tacho card updated, it took them like 3 months just to fix my missing entitlements (and it’s still not right yet), by the time I’m done I’ll be onto something like the 10th version of my license.

I can’t remember if I mentioned, but I missed an appointment with my specialist, thanks to work, so I’m re booked for the 22nd of March. This actually works out a bit better in terms of giving me time to do everything he asked of me. I’m going to make the name change official by deed poll, even though under Scots Law I don’t think I have to.

I’ve been having discussions with my parents about trans issues, outside my own. I explained to my mother about things like the gender binary, how gender and sexuality are different, non binary identities, what it feels like to be trans and other basics. She’s taking it all in very well considering it’s all new to her. I’ve been debating the press’ handling of the pregnant trans man story with my dad too. He’s a Daily Fail reader and although he doesn’t realise it, his opinions on this guy’s pregnancy are like reading the transphobic shite these rags produce. He’s from a whole different generation though and as stubborn as a mule in his opinions, but I’m still putting the point across, it’s not for us to judge how other people live their lives.

I went back to my old MMA gym yesterday and spoke to the coach there about coming back. I had to give it up about 3 years about now, I was out of work and couldn’t afford it, now I’m back on my feet and need to get in shape pre surgery, I’m keen to get back. So I told him too, he seemed ok, a little surprised maybe and unsure how to work it in with the gym, the changing rooms etc. He asked if I could give him a couple days to talk to the other trainers and figure something out. I hope he does call me back.

On that note, my mother seems determined for me to become buff. Especially before surgery. She’s going into overdrive with talk of diets and keeps on giving me exercise videos. It’s nice to have someone trying to help. I have an iron will when it comes to pretty much everything but food. Food is my weakness, my crack, I can’t live without IRN BRU!

Oh yeah, I haven’t come out to the cats yet, but I think they’ll be cool with it…

  1. becomingkeltik posted this